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Tuesday, August 15, 2017

21st century virgin


What is it like to be a 22 year old virgin?

So many people ask me ‘well, how does that happen?’ and that is a question that catches me off guard because, guys…it doesn’t. It is literally because nothing has happened. No serious relationships, no almost but I didn’t…nothing. I have lived in a 22 year dry spell of no love.  No, I am not going to preach about abstinence and religion. I don’t even have a religion! I just want to talk about what it is like to live in the twenty first century with no sex life and some of the most annoying things I come across.
Number one, friends. So, when you get out of high school and you have to make new friends, it becomes increasingly more difficult than before. At 22, a lot of women have children or are hooking up on tinder, so you become the awkward one in the room with nothing to contribute to the conversation. And when they do notice you are there, they have to point out that you re a virgin.
“oh yeah, this guy I was with last night had a really big ***”….”but you wouldn’t know what big is, would you”
Guys, I am a virgin, but I have snqpchat, too. I know what a *** looks like
Number 2…getting hit on. I don’t know why, but I must attract some pretty big idiots. When a guy hits me up on social media, they almost imediately put their foot in their mouth. One time, a guy started off the conversation with ‘I think we would make cute babies’. Some guys seem pretty normal until three messages in, when they will start telling you what they want to do to you…very explicitly. Some guys start off with a picture of their male anatomy. Very rarely do I find someone that is not awkwardly perverse.
Which brings me to my next biggie…I have no idea what I am doing. Where guys my age have already had several serious relationships, I am over here feeling like a potato. When do I insert into the conversation that I am a virgin? Or do I just not say anything. These are the big questions people! I mean, it isn’t like I plan on waiting until marriage!  If fact, I am pretty sure I am still a virgin because all those highschool abstinence classes scared the permiscuity right out of me with pictures of stds.
Number three is my family. All My grandparents have given up on me giving them great grandchildren…now they hound my younger sister.  Frankly, I think my grandma would be shocked if I ever brought someone over to meet her. My mom…she is a huge supporter of me staying single forever. So thanks, mom
Are any of you virgins? If so, what are some things you find annoying? What is your reason? I look forward to hearing from you!

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